Trapped in who I pretend to be waiting for that person to gaze upon my face and see that colored drinks were a friend to me .. 

But still be a friend never really fitting in but I was comfortable labeled as the weird girl, 

because see even though they didn’t know me they knew I was different ..

But they are too blind to see I held on to the golden ticket but the way I looked suggested what I possessed would lead them to the middle of nowhere but I had faith in my idea of a new love but see I hated myself

I couldn’t feel love never got it from my mother because she loved once and it was swept right under her tender embrace her face got cold heart turned black forgot all about her baby girl

put me in the back of her mind like last Thursday’s dinner, 

kids are Gods gift how come my mom didn’t see she had a winner? 

No father present barley had a mother only father figure would throw me around a room like a sock puppet he said he loved me but it felt like the opposite … 

My mind grew to hate but my heart felt different knew they did me wrong but I wanted to do the opposite

frustrated with not knowing how to love, dated men thinking I would learn all I got was hits to the face and spiritual scars that needed mending turned to the one called Jesus

because I Heard he specialized in heart mending I thought I found a safe haven

but the people around me were more focused on the jeans that I was wearing not the self-destruct that was pending i’m confused

I thought God’s people were supposed to be loving not turned me away because I smelt of hatred and walked around with chains that bound me to the Gates of hell

I was too transparent I didn’t believe in religion I just believed in God who sent his only son from my redemption as I gaze upon the face of these unbelievers even the believers that turn me away

I pray to my God I said deliver the flock to me I would never lead them astray.